When Ashley and Riley Hurd first began to think about having a family, they made a plan — to have one biological child, then adopt another, opening their
home to a child in need. But after their son
Riley IV was born, when they started exploring adoption, they discovered a much bigger
need: many children entering the foster care
system, but not enough foster homes.
They also discovered that because many
potential foster parents are looking ultimately
to adopt, there was an urgent need for families willing to take children not expected to
remain in the system long.
“At the same time that we heard about
these needs,” says Riley, an attorney special-
izing in land use issues, “we were learning
about the scientific benefits of fostering, and
how taking a child even for a short period of
time and giving such kids love and contact
can actually change the brain pathways, could
change the trajectory of their lives, even if
they returned to a less than desirable situa-
tion. And that changed our plan.”
As of this date, the Hurds have fostered
four little girls, ranging in age from 6 months
to 18 months at the time they arrived, who
remained with the family for up to 11 months.
All four are still actively in the Hurds’ lives,
even though three reunited with their parents
and one was adopted by close friends.
“At this point we’ve never had to give a
child away forever, which we know is unusual,
but we’re so grateful because it has allowed us
to build this extended family,” says Ashley, an
event planner. “At any given time I have three
or four different car seats in the car because
I don’t know who I’m going to be picking up
that day.”
She wants to be clear, however, that letting
go of a child after bonding with him or her
over a period of months or years is painful —
and she acknowledges that this is one of the
concerns that prevents many people from
becoming foster parents.
“I don’t want to sugarcoat it: it’s not easy
— giving them back can be like mourning the
loss of a child,” she says. “But for me, personally, I feel like it was my calling to help take
care of these children until they can find their
forever home. And I know that now they can
transfer that attachment to another human
being. It’s just a selfless type of love that you
find a way to give.”
Many Layers of Support
Ashley also helps raise awareness on such
issues as board president of the Marin Foster
Care Association, which provides a network of
services to foster and former foster children
and people caring for them in any framework,
foster, adoptive or biological. Offerings include
support groups, teen coaching, and a community resource center that takes donations
and equips foster parents with clothes, baby
and school supplies, toys and other essentials.
Donations and grants cover the costs of sending kids to after-school enrichment, tutoring
and sports programs.
“These kinds of services are so important,
because we know that families are more likely
to continue to foster if they have good support,” says Bree Marchman, Child Welfare
Division Director for Marin County Children
and Family Services (CFS).
To extend this network further, CFS
recently launched Friends of the Family,
which connects foster families with trained
volunteers who deliver cooked meals, drive
foster kids to activities and appointments, and
help out in other ways. “It’s a huge ask, becoming a foster parent, and not everyone can make
Julia (Hurd Family)
