Madeline levine is that rare person who’s relaxed, easy to be around and, incidentally, very smart. she doesn’t have to tell you, which she would
never do, that she graduated Phi Beta Kappa
from the University of Buffalo and holds
a doctorate from the California school of
Professional Psychology in Berkeley. You just
realize she’s überbright because of the way
she talks. levine’s conversation goes from the
theoretical to the practical, then back again,
and is interspersed with everyday examples
that bring clarity to whatever she’s discussing.
But what brings radiance to levine’s
face is talking about her three grown sons.
There’s loren, 32, a Bay area attorney,
Michael, 28, a new York theater director, and
Jeremy, 22, a student at University of san
Francisco. Completing this successful-and-accomplished-family picture is husband lee
schwartz, a san Francisco eye surgeon.
schwartz and levine met 37 years ago in
new York City when she was teaching middle
school in the south Bronx. after marrying, the couple moved to California, where
she received her doctorate and schwartz
completed his ophthalmology residency and
established his medical practice. The couple
moved to Marin and started a family; now,
35 years later, the two are empty nesters and
levine is reopening her private practice while
continuing to write and speak nationwide and
internationally on the tricky topic of parenting in the age of soccer moms, social media
and pressure-packed adolescence.
In raising your three sons, do you feel you
practiced what you now preach? Uhmm, not
always. it’s one thing to “know” what is the
absolute best thing to do; it’s another thing
to do that all the time. in my case, i had
three boys with three very different tem-
peraments. When child experts talk about
the right thing to do, it’s in broad terms
and the fact is that every child is different
and different kids may benefit from differ-
ent parenting approaches. But in general,
i think i did practice what i now preach.
i really did get pleasure out of the fact my
boys had very different skills and abilities —
and as long as i stayed open to that reality, it
greatly enlarged my world. Our greatest job
is to see each of our children clearly.
How does a parent discover a child’s interests
and abilities? let them play. The job of young
children is to play. That’s where they learn
about sharing, problem solving, getting along
with others and being creative. so stand back
and let kids play without too much direction
— as long as it isn’t dangerous — and children
will, over time, gravitate to their interests,
talents and abilities. Of course, and again
over time, things will change, but watching
children play is where you start getting to
really know them. since childhood is a time of
When I started parenting, I
thought punishment was the most
powerful tool. Well, it’s not.
experimentation and discovery, allowing kids
to sample a wide range of activities is helpful. early specialization is often a mistake. if
your kid plays soccer from the time he’s 8, he’ll
never know if baseball was really his game.
You spent more than 30 years raising your
own family; did that experience contribute
to what you now teach and write about for
other parents? absolutely. Being a mom is the
toughest class anyone can take. and there’s
no book; you’re on your own most of the time.
so when i say something like “a parent’s
disappointment is a really powerful tool,”
that comes from experience. When i started
parenting, i thought punishment was the
most powerful tool. Well, it’s not. My oldest
kid once told me, “Mom, you know the worst
thing you can do to me is be disappointed”;
that was a huge lesson for me. and i learned to
use it very sparingly. a parent’s disapproval is
a very effective approach, and while it doesn’t
look that way during adolescence — because
